“So, what happens next?” Pt. II
Life has its way of presenting milestones: They manifest as the happenings that plot out the details of our lives. One of those events we frequent while in orbit around our sun is New Year’s Eve/Day. And like birthdays, New Year’s presents another great opportunity for us to get to know more about ourselves and really everything else, too, by reviewing our lives of the previous year.
Nearly all of us can close our eyes and imagine at least one New Year’s Eve party or gathering that became life-changing in retrospect. The food, the music, the buzz…it usually puts a smile on your face unless all you remember is the morning after. But what’s true is that in those memorable moments, the traditions and rituals of New Years Eve transport the memory to a place of renewed conscious awareness of one’s self.
Yet, how many of us have lost sight of that epiphany we gained over New Year’s? How many of us have decided that the change we want to make is too much and therefore remain complacent in our comfortably familiar?
Over the course of the next year, we will all face at least one decision involving whether to make a transformational choice or not. And to prove this, it’s as simply scientific as keeping a one-entry vlog from January or so. I guarantee that when December 31st comes revolving around again you will find yourself in one of either two predicaments: You’ll find the person staring back in the mirror as more or less the same person with maybe a few more aches and pains and tighter or looser fitting pants; or, you will find yourself considerably and intrinsically different in some sort of way. Ultimately, in understanding change as the very driving force of life itself, we come to understand this movement as inevitable; how much we choose to work together with that change (it’s kind of like going with the flow) is totally up to us.
“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
― George Bernard Shaw
If we are to pay more attention (and study) the details of what actually composes change and how we interact with it, we will find that accepting life for its transitive stages and temporary circumstances is essential for our personal peace, self-realization, and self-transformation. We will find that if we examine our lives for their details, the only real control we have throughout every change we experience is our attitudes towards them. How do we perceive them, and if we desire differently, are we searching for another way? A better way? Do we feel fulfilled with the daily progress being made towards that change? Don’t know how? Pay attention!
One way to understand this process better is by imagining yourself as a movie director and your life as the movie. At first there seem to be many limitations, but since you know that you won’t have anything if all you do is focus on limitations, you make lemonade from every lemon you can get. You use whatever is available rather than just think about what you could have. Like the movie director calling the details of each scene, we must decide on how to project our happenstance to the world around us through our emotions. Are we creating or complaining?
In the process of enduring such shifts in personal being, we also come to some understanding that we cannot affect change (or sometimes even survive it) without finding some sort of connection and unity with others. At this point where these life-changing phases become intertwined with others is also where the illusion of separation (us and them) reveals itself for what it is: Fear of the dark as a fear of others. We must either choose to accept a lifetime of regret supported by a limited perspective (and get nowhere) or venture out and beyond current beliefs and understandings, and we desperately need other people’s perspectives in order to understand how empathy brings balance to the change we all face. Simply put, this change requires us to shift our mindset and grow outside of our very limited understanding (the box), and much of this perceptual change starts with our connection with the people around us.
A crucial element in any transformational process is acknowledging the need for unity in our lives. With this comes an understanding of the separation illusion that, if left unchallenged as an accepted idea, will continue to hold us back from experiencing greater things — much greater things. In other words, any change we experience on a personal level this year will involve others’ perspectives, and although our ego may become defensive and keep us held down by this grand illusion, in the act of seeing ourselves through the eyes of others, however harsh the judgment may seem, the opportunity that empathy brings as a full on awareness of ego (and its trap) is one of the greatest bits of insight we can gain through our own transformational process. In a nutshell, let others show you the way to your better self by allowing your ego to sit down and shut up. Then, let others help show you the way. But don’t get so easily pissed off.
While this transformational process embraces honesty, honesty itself unveils much more of our reality to us, and we discover other aspects of ourselves, and anyone seeking change this year must practice being open to, well, pretty much every possibility. One super-hot concept sweeping the self-improvement world is this discussion regarding the Flow State (basically, an ability to harness your penultimate best) and how it ties to the meaning of life for each one of us, which in turn, is supposed to lead to the life of our dreams. Whatever the case may be for each one of us, there presents itself again another decision to grow and move forward: Will you be open to possibility and work towards finding your own personal Flow State? Will you discipline yourself to practice a consciously aware mindset where honesty drives you towards discovering the very reason you’re still here (walking among us), or will you continue to choose dedication and allegiance to the meaningless distractions that surround you?
Fear of Change and the Skeleton in Your Closet
Most of us are familiar with the metaphor of skeletons in the closet and what that means for anyone who is working on self-awareness. Like the answer to why we are afraid of the dark (we fear the unknown), the skeletons in our closets reveal to us what we also must address in our lives if we are to be free from subconscious fears or vulnerabilities. What are those skeletons? Take them out and wear them. Try to understand them. Use that newfound honesty coupled with empathy to let others assist you in this understanding. Discard them if you so choose but make a choice. If your skeletons do not hurt you or others, accept them as a part of what makes you, you, or move to change them.
Understanding the Energy that is Yourself
All throughout our transformational processes in life, we are faced with having to handle the emotional roller coaster that becomes the greatest bedfellow of change itself. Yet, like a relationship with a partner, if we don’t become honest, open, and vulnerable with those emotions in order to better our relationship, the emotional energy those changes can bring can make or break us.
For those of us who focus too much on all the different people and energies around us, we must stop paying attention to everyone else; we’ve got to start focusing on and paying attention to ourselves (and loving ourselves a bit more) in order to have a better understanding of life itself. For others who feel empty, drained, hopeless, or hopelessly apathetic: Stop paying so much attention to yourself and start seeing more of yourself in and through others, however benevolent and selfless that might be. In all of the above moments, you will find your truth, your own healing, your skeletons (that are a part of your healing), and your connection with everyone else.
The change that approaches us in 2020 is inevitable. Prepare yourself for it by becoming more honest, open, accepting, empathetic, and present. The details of your change are influenced by your hands and your efforts as well as your thoughts and your mind. What happens next can be the most amazing thing ever to happen to you.
- ) Do the thing that you do intuitively (it comes like second nature) and do it often.
2.) Be true to YOURSELF. This requires discipline.
3.) Remind yourself regularly that you are never alone.
“Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today.” Michael Hyatt
